you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
