I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
