He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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