I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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