she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
