He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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