there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dignity is for republicans.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
