someone threw a dead crab at me
I met the friendliest cop last night
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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