I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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