why didn't you poke me back
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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