Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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