Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
