my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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