we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize