Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
