the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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