you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
