i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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