Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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