i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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