just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
