google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
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bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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