i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
