i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
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you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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