So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
