just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Do vagina's smell?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize