if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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