Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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