If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
