alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
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