it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
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My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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