my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
