Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
