i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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