She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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