I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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