Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
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At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
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First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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