I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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