I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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