break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just had sex bonerless
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
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Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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