Yo dont text me then not text me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Small penises have feelings too.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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