Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
