The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
