I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
