I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
