Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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