We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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