woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
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You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.