We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.