Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..