I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room