I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
