I cockslap morals
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
