Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
