Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
