I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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