you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
