i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
