well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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