This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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