OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
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The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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