I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
