one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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