Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
