Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
