Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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