I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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