I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
