Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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