you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize